As Warren Buffett says, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Buffett has said,
People are going to want your time. It’s the only thing you can’t buy.
I can buy anything I want, basically, but I can’t buy time.
Makes sense. A full calendar isn’t a proxy for productivity, much less effectiveness. And then there are the unplanned events that can distract you from planned and dilute your effectiveness: Saying yes to something, especially in the moment, typically means saying no something else.
As the saying goes, the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. Doing that will often require you to say no, whether in advance or in the moment.
But saying no isn’t so fun. Most people instinctively want to say yes, especially to a request or favor. That’s especially true when you’re a leader, since conventional wisdom says good leaders always have time for their employees.
When No Is the Only Answer
Sometimes you should say no, or at least “not right now.” What’s the best way?
For one thing, don’t use time as a justification. In a 2021 study published in Journal of Consumer Psychology, researchers found that saying “I don’t have time” when you decline an invitation or request causes the person you turn down to feel undervalued and upset, and negatively impacts the relationship.
Time excuses are perceived as less valid and justified. The researchers found that people consider time to be subject to personal control. I have the time, I just don’t want to give it to you. Time excuses imply you’re choosing something else over the other person.
Which, of course, you have every right to do. Even so, the researchers found that no matter how valid, turning down invitations or requests because of a lack of time reflects on how you see the relationship: If you don’t have the time—and clearly aren’t willing to make the time—you must not value the relationship.
How to Say No
Oddly, money excuses don’t spark the same reaction. Money excuses are largely seen as OK. Money is seen as less controllable than time. I’m not making an excuse: If I don’t have the money, I don’t have the money.
What should you do? When you say no, provide a little more information. Don’t just say you don’t have the time. Don’t just say you’re really busy. Add context. Add detail. Say why. You’re trying to meet a tight deadline. You’re trying to finish a major project.
If a request comes from someone who works for you, you should add a little more information. For example, if an employee asks to talk about their development plan and you’re in the middle of something important, say, “Right now I’m in the middle of this issue. Could we talk later this afternoon so I can give that conversation the attention it deserves?”
Because while no, or at the very least “not right now” is sometimes the only answer you can give, helping people understand why can make all the difference.
