In his new book, Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead) (Harvard Business Review Press, 2025), Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic explores the surprising science of why being authentic holds you back. Here’s an adapted excerpt.
Once a niche concept from existential philosophy, authenticity is now one of the most overused clichés in self-help books, corporate culture slogans, and leadership manifestos.
As I illustrate in my latest book, Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead), we are repeatedly told to “just be ourselves,” “follow our hearts,” “be true to our values,” and “bring our whole selves to work,” especially in the Western world. It is hard to attend a leadership seminar, read a business book, listen to a work-related podcast, or scroll through LinkedIn without bumping into some well-meaning homily about authenticity.
On the one hand, promoting authenticity makes sense. Decades of research suggest that authenticity is linked to self-esteem, and people who perceive themselves as authentic often experience higher levels of well-being, including positive mood, energy, relaxation, and flow. Simply put, when our behavior feels consistent or aligned with our self-concept, we experience a sense of internal coherence and harmony that lubricates our ego. Conversely, when our actions clash with how we see ourselves, we feel inauthentic, fake, and guilty, and our self-esteem suffers.
However, feeling authentic does not equate to being perceived as talented or competent by others. Despite the subjective benefits of authenticity, being true to ourselves does not translate into being better colleagues or leaders. For example, in a recent meta-analysis of 55 independent studies, impression management (rather than self-perceived authenticity) was positively related to leadership emergence and effectiveness, as well as to both task-oriented and relationship-oriented leadership behaviors. Even if feeling authentic feels great, you are more likely to become an effective leader if you focus on gratifying others and adjusting your behavior according to what the situation demands. So, it’s not authenticity, but knowing where the right to be you ends and your obligation to others begins, that makes you effective in work settings.
Impression management was not only just predictive of higher leadership performance in this meta-analysis, but also others’ perceptions of authentic leadership. The irony is hard to miss: the more of an effort you make to adjust or modulate your behaviors (in effect inhibiting and censoring your “whole” or “authentic” self), the more trustworthy and authentic you will seem to others. Far from being dismissed as inauthentic “fakes,” individuals who effectively manage impressions tend to come across as more competent, effective, and even more authentic leaders than their counterparts. In that sense, we could see subjective authenticity as the inability or unwillingness to engage in strategic and effective impression management.
The Authenticity-Reputation Tradeoff
This leads us to the most overlooked paradox of authenticity—namely the tension between feeling good about yourself and being valued by others. Consider some of these common workplace examples of the tradeoffs between subjective authenticity and harnessing a positive reputation:
1. Political beliefs at work
Subjective authenticity:
“I’m being true to myself by sharing my unfiltered opinion on immigration or climate policy.”
Reputational reality:
Colleagues see you as polarizing, reckless, or inconsiderate, undermining trust. The “inauthentic” person who bites their tongue, on the other hand, comes across as a diplomatic, mature, and more prosocial organizational citizen.
2. Venting raw emotions
Subjective authenticity:
“I’m stressed and angry, so I should show it; after all, that’s the real me.”
Reputational reality:
People label you as volatile, unprofessional, or unsafe to approach. The peer who manages emotions (even if it feels less authentic) is perceived as stable and competent.
3. Radical candor vs. tact
Subjective authenticity:
“I’m just being honest by telling my teammate their idea is terrible.”
Reputational reality:
You gain a reputation for insensitivity or arrogance. The colleague who couches critique diplomatically is seen as both considerate and credible.
4. Sharing personal struggles
Subjective authenticity:
“I want to be open about my insecurities and failures to show the real me.”
Reputational reality:
Oversharing erodes confidence in your ability to handle responsibility. The person who discloses selectively, balancing vulnerability with competence, is seen as authentic and reliable.
5. Dress and appearance
Subjective authenticity:
“I want to dress however I like; this tracksuit at a board meeting is me.”
Reputational reality:
Colleagues perceive this as sloppy or disrespectful. The individual who adapts to professional norms, while adding small personal touches, is viewed as professional and socially skilled.
6. Taking credit vs. modesty
Subjective authenticity:
“I genuinely think I carried this project, so I’ll say so.”
Reputational reality:
Colleagues label you as arrogant. The peer who highlights team contributions, even if it downplays their true feelings and skillfully fake humility, earns more trust and likeability.
7. Humor and sarcasm
Subjective authenticity:
“I’m just being myself by cracking edgy jokes.”
Reputational reality:
What feels authentic to you lands as offensive or dismissive to others. Conversely, your restrained colleagues are perceived as respectful and socially intelligent, not to mention trustworthy and safe.
8. Social media presence
Subjective authenticity:
“I’ll post my real thoughts online, unfiltered.”
Reputational reality:
Employers and peers see you as reckless, damaging your credibility. The individual who curates their presence appears more authentic to others because they look consistent and thoughtful. They also appear more competent and professional.
9. Leadership vulnerability
Subjective authenticity:
“I’ll admit to my team that I’m totally lost right now: that’s my real truth.”
Reputational reality: The team sees incompetence and loses confidence. In contrast, the leader who acknowledges limits but also focuses on projecting direction and competence (even if they have to fake it) earns respect and trust from the team.
In short, life is about choices, and one of the most fundamental choices we face in daily interactions is whether to impose our raw, unfiltered selves on others or to regulate our behavior for the sake of relationships. To be sure, this ought to be done with social skills and emotional competence, for there is a high cost to being seen as overly diplomatic or as a social chameleon.
But every time we post on social media, share an opinion in a meeting, or give feedback to a colleague, we are navigating the balance between authenticity and diplomacy. To navigate this intricate balance effectively, you need to harness the necessary psychological maturity to recognize that just because you feel like saying something does not mean you should. At the same time, skilled self-awareness and sensitivity to how others see you will enable you to seem genuine rather than fake, even when you are making an effort to not be yourself.
The irony, then, is that by disciplining or editing our authenticity, we may actually come across as more trustworthy and competent to others. People don’t judge authenticity by how you feel about yourself; they judge it by whether your behavior seems appropriate, effective, and considerate.
